Friday, September 4, 2009

Happy F____ Birthday

"F" as in Five-O. What did you think I meant?

Okay I'm in a ranty mood. It's my party and I'll cry if I want to... Dammit!

Hawaii Five-O. Thanks Dive, I'll use that.

Is it a coincidence that I received a notice to schedule my first colonoscopy yesterday? I think not.

Now when I go to the doctor for routine tests they "find" something.

It kind of sucks. The old bod is not what it used to be. I vowed to lose ten pounds this year. I am failing. Major failing. I joined a gym. I do go at least two days a week. I walk with my dogs on the other days. I rejoined WW. I track everything I eat and after two weeks lose .6 lbs. .6 LBS? Then my doctor says, "You could lose a few pounds." I want to say "F-U", but resist. I am effing trying. I do not eat fast food, butter or donuts. I haven't had ice cream in years. I do not bake for my family because I am afraid I will eat it. I do get at least five fruits and vegetables every day. I read labels. I do not eat trans fats, or high fructose corn syrup. WTF?

Yes, perhaps I am paying for the abuse of my body during my younger, foolish years. I was a teenager in the 70s. I was full of angst. I might have done stupid things.

One of my students told me her mom was born during my sophomore year in high school. This student was a junior. I felt ancient.

Age does have some advantages. For instance, I teach ceramics. Our first lesson was the "pinchpot". I told them they could use it as a "bowl". I heard snickers..."bowl, heehee." I think Teachable Moment. I say, " You know the movie "Dazed and Confused?" That was my era. What do you think every high schooler was making out of clay in the 70s?" They are stunned that I would know about that. With age comes wisdom. (Not that I would have made a "bowl").

It is a major birthday and I did not receive a call or card from my father. I know he just got back from Wales and England last Sunday. I understand the late card. This is the first year I didn't get a call. I'm trying not to feel hurt.

Okay. I'm not a kid anymore. Buck it up Fatso.

9 comments:

Janelle Goodwin said...

Happy Birthday, Neetzy! I think you just say out loud what most of us think. I had to laugh at the bowl story. Our generation is the original cool!

neetzy said...

Janelle,

Heehee. At least our teachers were "clueless".

BTW I talked to my father today. He totally forgot. I used it to full advantage (guilt, guilt). We both both hysterically laughing at the end of the conversation.

dive said...

Yay, Happy Birthday, Neetzy! Welcome to the Hawai'ian Club!
Fifty's not so bad. So far this year, I've fallen in love, lost a little weight and no body parts have dropped off that I would have missed.

Hoorah for shallow youth! The teenagers in my Japanese class were awestruck when they discovered I'd been in a punk band in 1976. I was suddenly the coolest "old guy" around and have become some kind of weird life coach / creepy uncle figure to them, which is fun.

Enjoy being fifty Neetzy. Embrace it. Janelle is right: you're part of the coolest generation the planet has ever known. I hope your year is as good as mine has been.
xx

neetzy said...

Thanks Dive,

I needed that. I had a little pity party, but I'm over it. You did have a great year! I would be happy with losing those few pounds! Wow. I have a whole year to do it!

Katie said...

Happy belated birthday Neetzy! Yes, it's a bummer of a b-day number-wise, but if Dive can survive turning 50, I figure anyone can. Have a great year, and I second Dive -- embrace it!!

neetzy said...

Thanks Katie!

Pity party is over. I will embrace the second "half" of my life! What are you going to do if the Bay Bridge is out?

Shazza said...

Hey sis - sorry I didn't check the blogs soon to respond to this. I haven't been on blogville too much lately.

Love the picture...you're doing something different with your hair aren't you? Looks...um....wild in a very crone type way!

Love ya!

Dad is the center of his own little universe sis. We know that all too well.

neetzy said...

Shazza,

That's how my hair ALWAYS looks! I thought my teeth were particularly sexy here. Dad, you gotta love him.

Poetikat said...

It's the fault of the 70s all right! Remember when we thought it was a good idea to buy and eat a bag of chips, a chocolate bar and a can of pop all at once? Throw in a pack of Pop Rocks and you were good, right?

You're doing all the right things, but gravity sucks, doesn't it? I'm a petite 5'4", but my waist is thicker, my hips sag, my thighs rub together and my knees are disappearing! At least that's how it looks to me. Maybe it's not really that bad.

I've still got two years to go, so God knows what I'll look like by the time I reach 50!

From the pics I've seen of you, you look great! Hey, as long as our loved ones still love us and we can look decent in a pair of jeans, we're doing okay.

End of lesson. Good night Neetzy!